Leaving home again

I'm writing this from my living room at the house we've lived in for the best part of the last two years. I can hear the waves gently breaking at the end of the road and can just about see the snow capped mountains out of the window. I've just got back from the Dolphin Encounter office where it took me half an hour to drop off a box because there were so many people to chat to, and earlier today I hopped on a helicopter ride to see a couple of sperm whales. If it sounds like I'm bragging about my day, I'm really not - this is just what life is like in Kaikoura. It's an unbelievable place and days can turn extraordinary at the drop of the hat, or with one phone call saying there's a spare seat on a whale watch helicopter flight.

We're leaving this unique and wonderful town in September and it's only just really hit me. This is my home now and at the moment I can't imagine living anywhere else. We have a real life here and a community - friends that we love and will miss more than I can describe.

The other day I found this quote and I immediately welled up. It sums up exactly how I'm feeling at the moment - torn between two places, two countries and two lives. I miss my family and friends back home desperately and it's a given that I'm so excited to see them again. But oh man - after living in NZ for three years I hope no one will be offended when I say it's going to be hard to adjust to life back home again. 

It feels like we've lived here just long enough to settle in and get comfortable with the way of life here. We have great friends that live within walking distance and a beautiful teeny house that looks out at the Pacific Ocean. Whatever life we make for ourselves back home I do feel like we'll be aiming to get back to what we have here already. I hope that we'll get it (minus the dolphins and free helicopter rides probably) but it's going to take a lot of work to get there. 

We have NO idea what we'll do back home, where we'll live, how we'll even begin to know what sort of jobs to look for. That makes it even harder to leave this place where we don't have to think about anything grown up or serious. Luckily (and we are SO lucky) we have amazingly supportive family and friends in the U.K. and France who I know have our back. I know we'll be absolutely fine and there are bigger problems in life, it just all seems a bit daunting right now. 

There's so much I'll miss about New Zealand. The people I've met here I'll miss most of all. The mountains that take my breath away every day. The birds - Fantails especially. The colour of the pacific ocean. The road trips where around every bend is a view more stunning than the last. The marine life that I take for granted but will pine for when it's not on my doorstep. The beautiful beaches of Abel Tasman - my favourite place in the entire world. The forest walks that lead to pretty waterfalls that soothe my soul. The emptiness - you can visit a breathtakingly beautiful spot and feel like you're the only person in the world. The coffee - OH how I'll miss the coffee. I'm trying not to think about that to be honest. 

I'm so sad to leave. This is my happy place and I know we could live here comfortably forever...IF it wasn't so far away from our other home. I am blaming all you people back home reading this by the way. Why are you all so wonderful that I want to see you and be near you? Why do you keep having beautiful babies that I want to hang out with and get to know properly? Why do you keep getting married and giving me massive wedding FOMO? It's quite selfish to be honest. 

I am very excited to see you all. When we went home last summer for 4 months I was really sad to leave you all in the U.K. and I knew then that I'd never be able to live this far away for good. I think I knew it all along. Many Brits I've met here told me I'd get used to being so far away, friends would fade, family would understand and I'd make new friends. Well, we've made new friends who are absolutely wonderful and I hope we'll keep forever, but I knew that I'd never get used to being so far away, and my far away friends would never fade. 

But it's still a hard step to take. This place, this country, these people have all shaped who I am now and I do feel like a completely different person to the one who got on the plane at Heathrow in 2015. It'll take a while to adjust and work out how to fit into life back home again. 

I think we just need to get a puppy. Then everything will be ok.